June 13th, 2012 at 10:04PM

New LP uploaded!

Check it out on my channle, at CheyandCharlee @ youtube. “A classy brit, and a racist yank”

1 note #youtube#minecraft#big adventure#toms of fun#a beautiful heart#faithful#and strong#best frien
March 18th, 2012 at 6:12AM

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

March 18th, 2012 at 6:00AM

I wrote a note once.

 ”I want to throw myself in front of a car.”

“I feel worthless.”

Left it on my desk.

Took two whole weeks for a counselor to talk to me.

All I had to say was ”I’m in therapy for that.” and they let me go.

I can’t tell them. I can’t be taken seriously. They took my razors away when I first started.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:55AM

I realized something. I cut my hair short.  A drastic change is signs of suicidal tendencies. And when I told that girl “I’m either really happy or really sad and want to kill myself” I guess I was sorta right. Hindsight is 20/20.  I wish this was a pleasent conversation. That made me sadder.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:54AM

 I don’t bleed. I just scratch. I get this urge. Listen. I’m sorry. I wish I was logical. I do. I wish I was realistic.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:53AM

 I wanted someone to know how I felt. I told Nate I was hurting myself. I didn’t tell him how broken I was. I like telling you my thoughts for some reason. 

Hey. I’ll be normal tomorrow . That’s why I don’t tell her.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:52AM

 I’m broken, to put it. The large portion of me is happy. On top of the world. One small piece is terrified. Another is yelling

“STOP IT DAMMIT” “THIS IS NOT RIGHT, YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAPPY, YOU ARE NOT OKAY”

The other part is chattering her teeth even though I’m not cold.

I’m shaking.

I’m not cold.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:46AM

I wrote a note once.

 ”I want to throw myself in front of a car.”

“I feel worthless.”

Left it on my desk.

Took two whole weeks for a counselor to talk to me.

All I had to say was ”I’m in therapy for that.” and they let me go.

I can’t tell them. I can’t be taken seriously. They took my razors away when I first started.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:44AM

I won’t tell my therapist. Or my case worker.

That’d be silly.

March 18th, 2012 at 5:40AM

You know what’s hilarious?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP077RitNAc

I like this.
You know why I’m so happy? I have something to journal my ups and downs. :D
My psychological breakdowns and make ups.
I really feel like I should tell an adult, ya know? I feel fantastic! I know I’m going to think about it again.
But IDGAF.
I had a bottle of pills in my back pocket. It felt….nice knowing they were there.
I know, crazy right?
My emotions….I’m on top of the world.
But the thought I could do it, right now…
I dunno. I feel content. I’ve gone off the deep end, I suppose.
I’m the same Chey. I’m just…
Sadder.
On the inside, of course. A teeny piece of me.
The inside of me is all screwy, but my feelings won’t let me be sad. I want to cry. and be sad. But I can’t!  
I’m so damned happy.
I read up on self harm. They’re right, I’m  hurting myself. Oh, I don’t want to do it now.  I see no reason to. The pink lines on my wrist make me happy.
And to be honest, that terrifies me.
Imagine me being bubbly and really happy saying this. That’s how I feel.
I hate it.
I’m screaming inside. I feel like I’m trapped. I’m sure I can go to sad things.
But then I may want to kill myself! O.O I giggled typing that emoticon.
But then I may want to kill myself.
And that wouldn’t be good.
I’ve so much to live for!  At this moment, I feel insane.
Truly, insane. And I’m scared. And happy.